Someone once told me I have a great balance of the masculine and the feminine. I took it as a compliment. I’ve never thought of things in terms of what a man, woman, or anyone of any gender should be like. As the ancient Chinese Taoist idea of yin and yang teaches, we are fluid and a combination of all the different elements. When thought of in these terms, the fixed ideas of masculine and feminine melt away.
Scottish documentary filmmaker Duncan Cowles’ new film, Silent Men, tackles the subject of men opening up emotionally. Cowles, at the time of beginning to make the film in 2017, is a 26-year old filmmaker living with his parents. He struggles to show emotion to them and to other people he is close to. He decides to make the picture as a way to document his journey and interviews various people, some he knows and some he does not.
At the beginning of the film Cowles states that he finds himself, as he gets older, less able to show emotion, and he sees it in male friends too. Even as a child he would run to his room and cry alone. This is something I would do as a child; I struggled to communicate my feelings. As I grew older and faced challenges, I gradually became more able to. Duncan’s friend Ainslie imparts the wisdom that by really feeling and expressing our emotions, we come to a more healthy way of being.
The narrative of Silent Men is about the problems that, traditionally, men have when it comes to emotion. The most heartfelt story follows John. In three separate interviews throughout the years, he goes from not being able to accept help, to revealing he has attempted suicide, to accepting help and coming to peace with that. He had suffered in silence, like many men do.
While the film embraces difficult subjects, its maker always has room for his own brand of deadpan humour. One impromptu moment, when Cowles interviews his brother Alex, made me laugh out loud. There’s a great balance, and by the film’s end this is reflected in Cowles’ final thoughts about the subject: that we must find the right balance for us when showing emotion.
I write this as a 42-year-old man, who is pansexual, neurodivergent, and a non-traditional human being. The generation below mine contains many people who embrace different ways of being, something which may change the world. In the end, there’s no right or wrong way: only your way, within reason. But if you are suffering in silence, watching Silent Men might just help you to open up.
Silent Men opens in cinemas on the 19th of November. Special screenings will be attended by UK men’s mental health charity Andy’s Man Club, who will hold post-film informal chats. More info here.
